Middle Age Angst

I had a road rage incident recently that scared me.

Mainly because after all the years of driving and experiencing every kind of foolish transgression possible to experience

I thought I was immune.

I am not immune and I harbor deep wells of anger

What?

Bad day – happens all the time – it doesn’t matter what I was doing or where I was doing it. Enough to say that on this day I was giving it all I had and seemed to be getting nothing but aggravation back.

But this does not make me special or unique- many people have tougher paths to walk and life is not fair

I know this – I embrace this – I live this

There is nothing I can do about it

So somebody passing me on the road just to pass me should not bother this beat-down hombre

But it did

I punched the pedal to catch up to the offender – I did not know that my poor engine could respond like that – I am surprised that it did not blow up –

Then when he/she (I don’t know who was in that pick-up truck of doom) pulled in to a convenient store I almost pulled in right behind them (thankfully, I did not).

So I could go eyeball to eyeball with the offender.

This would have been bad – logically I knew that nothing good could come from this

Logically, I knew that there was nothing I could do about all the bad stuff that happened to me earlier in the day

But on the road I could –  two vehicles going mano a mano – I have control and I do matter.

This scared me – because I have not felt this anger for 30 years – not since I was a young nerd/punk at a Clash concert – not since I started to know better.

But when we are beat-down and unable to express it we lash out in other ways —–

I get pro-wresting and looting now – I am not above both if my situation was different.

And all of this got me thinking about Paul Westerberg  and how he proclaimed on one summer night when no one was listening.

“Here is one more song —–  if anyone cares”

And The Replacements played this classic.

the crowd was not impressed.

But I was.

And still am.

They were just the warm-up band for Tom Petty – who would follow and play for the faithful and I left early. To this day I still don’t like Tom Petty.

I have angst.

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15 thoughts on “Middle Age Angst

  1. 🙂 YEAH, i love how we all are driving and whoo ee west la can be fierce, as a retiree..i try to leave the haste and rush part of the day (anything other than 10-2 on weekdays) to everyone else..he thanks for liking my post..also i find myself just in general more ready to be bitchy about…well, just about everything, because I KNOW HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE.oh that is soo funny, i know virtually nothing for sure…

  2. I’m from Chicago, I know road rage (mostly in the suburbs, it’s different driving on the expressways). Now and then I think about ramming the car that just cut me off, or smashing it with a bat until there’s nothing left, but those are just thoughts, like any others, and they go away, so no biggie. Besides, it’s not the car’s fault and it’s just another day and another emotion/feeling. I never feel bad about it. Truthfully, I’ve never even thought of feeling bad about it. It’s just the way most of us drive around here. Things only mean what we say they mean. Nothing can make us feel bad unless we let it.

    Road rage is scary if you’re a passenger, and the driver is freaking out, that’s for sure. That can be truly terrifying but when you’re alone, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. I’m in control, I can tell because the other car is still whole and on the road. That’s really all that matters in the end. LOL I live here, this is the way I learned to drive. I’m okay with that. I’m also female so gender doesn’t matter…road rage is for everyone.

    I would tell you that road rage is okay and that it’s normal to feel that way once in a while. I would tell you not to beat yourself up about it, but we all have to decide things like that for ourselves. Just because it doesn’t bother me, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t bother you. I never let things have the power to bother me. We do that to ourselves. Make up rules, have expectations, so that when we don’t meet the arbitrary standards we have set up in our own minds, we feel bad, like failures, etc. I’ve seen people do that. I don’t do that. I know that I always have good intent and that I do the best I can, no matter what, so that’s all I need. Humans can be annoying:) They annoy me, I annoy them. That’s life. it’s okay. 🙂

    1. Thanks for that and you are right that I should not beat myself up – but it was a marker for me – like a gauge in my brain going to red when I thought it could no longer get that high – I really thought I was beyond this trivial emotional response to stupid driving. Like I had ascended to a higher plane or something ….yeah….sure – no – I am human – I needed that kick in the head to make me understand that I am no better than anyone else. I knew it but I needed to know it again. If that makes sense.

  3. The Buddha said, “All days are good.”
    Well, he should have said that anyway.

    Sounds like a rough one, Bud. My mentor, decades ago, said “I like bad days because it can only go up from here.”” [Yes, Jack Blackburn really said that.]

    Here is what I say to you: “Everyone is your teacher. Everyone in some way is trying to help you grow.”

    We just have to sort off the garbage to find the acorn that can grow, and that takes some doing. DOing. Willingness. And a bit o’ commitment.

    But usually that does not come in the door until the adrenalin has left the house.

    So, good for you, Bro, showing restraint. You must celebrate that! That was a step not to be underestimated.

    Without valleys, no hills. [I don’t know who first said that but it is still true, isn’t it?]

    Peace to you today,

    Dr. Zest

    1. Thanks Doc,

      The lesson I take: we don’t fully solve ourselves while we scratch across the surface of this planet – we grow and evolve, we get better and stronger – And it seems adversity is always part of the process.

      Yes, I am blessed to be able to face each day – but that road rage thing made me realize just how “beat-down” I had got.

      I need some time fishing this weekend – and thanks for the heartfelt response. It does help.

      Wayne

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