The last remaining landline will be at my fixed location

“I am not going quietly into this mobile era of constant and instant availability.”

I am not cool with it.

Everyone I know except me has ditched their landline. I am the last of the Mohicanslandlinians.

When you reach someone on a home phone in a fixed location – they just might have time to connect and have a discussion in a very human and important way – at least they could have – in a bygone era.

That is gone.

“OK Cave guy, you sound like a Neanderthal now – progress is progress – either get on the bus or get run over.”


Here is what we got with the smart mobile era:

First – what is a “good” number for you? They change so often, it is impossible to keep current unless you are in the “circle” who gets the “new number update” – which I didn’t get because I am still on three numbers ago — My bad.

Second – are you a talker or a text-er?… “Oh, I don’t talk anymore or answer voice mails –  Pls txt me btch.”

Third- if I make it through those first two hoops and don’t get a response … now I am being ignored … which means insulted.

And I still haven’t talked to you.

Yeah – this new system is so much better.

And I just want to talk – you know because we are family or friends and that is how we stay that way.

I JUST WANT TO TALK

(sorry, I’m yelling now)

And here is what happens when you do finally get to the mighty castle of “Connection”.

“Oh Hi Wayne, what’s up – I’m just sitting on the toilet at a thruway rest stop, but I saw it was you so I picked up – no problem, just a little stomach bug – go ahead –  what you calling about?”

“Dude- I was just checking in, nothing important”

“Oh-then you should just text me”

“Thanks-I’ll remember that for the next time (which will be never) – sorry to catch you indisposed”

That is how it goes for me so I have basically given up talking to my friends.

Talking on the phone is a lost art.

Gone.

It is replaced by this endless barrage of texting.

And by texting – I think I mean gossiping with words.

We get inane texts to interrupt our work and become inefficient – then while we are enjoying free time – we get inane texts from work to interrupt that. We are always working and always texting. There is no separation of church and state in our lives.

And it is driving us all mad.

This is so much better – “here let me show you another cat video and I just got this app that makes my face look like a squashed pumpkin- this phone is so cool – my whole life is on it.”

I love this phone

I hate this phone


I just wanted to talk– you know about how things are going for you and how things are going for me, and then maybe we feel more connected – and maybe we can help each other if help is needed. You know life – and how to get through it and stuff – but only when you have a few moments.

And that can’t happen anymore – soooo

That is why I blog…It is as close as I can get.

Here is a 5-pack of my favorite Telephone songs.

 Glen Campbell – Wichita Lineman

Jim Croce – Operator

E. L. O. – Telephone Line

Rikki Don’t Lose That Number – Steely Dan

Lady Gaga – Telephone

Am I insane on this? And did I miss a great telephone song for my 5-pack? Would love to hear what you guys think.

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43 thoughts on “The last remaining landline will be at my fixed location

  1. I still keep a landline just in case we have some kind of disaster or the power goes out. I used to live up deep in the Cascades (WA) and every fall/winter there would be at least a few days without power. The cell tower would go out randomly plus we had a major mudslide that cut the whole town off from civilization for 3 months in 2014 (no cell service for a week until FEMA came), so I want to be prepared.

  2. I have to give you a big, loud “AMEN!” Back when pagers first came in, I didn’t like the idea of people being able to find me and bug me whenever they wanted to. I have a cell phone now, but it’s just there for the times when my two sons, who have medical conditions, might have a situation come up. Otherwise, I’m a landline girl.

      1. I strapped mine down with duct tape back in the ’90s. You’re right, though. We need to knock over all those cell towers like dominoes and get back to talking face to face.

      2. There are so few of us left – resistance is futile – we are beaten – might as well text each other and give up. 🙂

      3. Never say die! I still hand write letters to people, and I do a lot of my story plotting in a spiral notebook. I loathe chatspeak and textspeak. We must preserve the old ways!

  3. We own a LL because our internet comes through BT but we were forced to turn off the ringer due to too many spam calls (much to the annoyance of my dad). Actually, your post reminded me of my dad (although I think you must be my age) he doesn’t like the always connected either so he just turns off his mobile 🙂

    1. Thanks Suzy,

      And yes – that is the part in this I hate the most – I require time to shut things off which is seen as an insult today – if someone chooses to “not be found” for an hour – it is a crime. How did we get to that?

      Wayne

      1. I just have it on silent when I’m ‘off’. If its important they’ll ring back or leave a msg 😉 When I’m working I’m busy, people understand that (eventually).

      2. Mixing any social media with work is shaky ground so all I can say is …. Well…I can’t say anything except that we deal with this new age the best we can and carry on.

  4. Nice to meet you, Wayne. I, too, still have a landline, and I liked your post. Most of the people I know want to talk to you on their drive home because once they get to their house they don’t want to be bothered…really…it’s like, I’m home, I’m tired, don’t want to talk to anyone. I do own a cell phone for a number of reasons, but I admit that when I text I spell out the WHOLE word. I not only think it’s polite to do so, but as I get older, I want to be able to remember to spell. And I still use cursive – it’s expressive and faster than printing – I think that was the whole point of it. So letter and note writing is still in my repertoire of communication skills. I think it’s nice to receive something fun and cheery in the mail once in a while – not just bills.
    I could go on, but I think you said it best here.

    Thank you for visiting my blog. May your day be full of good things,
    Marianne

    1. Thanks Marianne,

      There was a time when the landline was the main source of communication – I would have to look it up but I will go with 1935 – 2005 from the top of my head.

      Like newspapers

      And the milkman

      That time is gone.

  5. Loved this Wayne. I refuse to ditch my landline too as I feel secure with it. I am with you on this! Heavens forbid if my handphone malfunctions or gets lost or stolen. Costs me money but some monies have to be spent. Yes, no one speaks. No one calls me on my landline except my parents.

    1. Since I wrote this – I have come to the conclusion that the few of us left with a LL can’t use it as it was intended – time has re-calibrated us out to pasture. 🙂

  6. Oy, I know what you mean. I feel a pleasant hum when I move about the world with no phone in my pocket, and was tickled pink when my non-Comcat internet provider put in a landline automatically. So when the cell towers come crashing down, you and I will be able to chat comfortably.

    1. Thanks for that – although I feel that everyone under the age of 30 will just think of us as relics hanging on to obsolete worthless things—the die is cast. 🙂 the age of the landline is gone.

  7. Wayne – you really made me howl with laughter with this one – thank you – you have a gift for the absurd – and thanks for visiting my blog – much appreciated. It is quite something when US humour manages to translate into English humour!!! Will definitely visit again. Thank you.

    1. Thanks Gail – “a gift for the absurd” – that is the highest praise my writing has ever received 🙂 beautiful and unexpected compliment. … And I should come out of the closet now and admit I was born and spent my first 13 years in England – my homeland. Got my sense of humor/humour on the mean streets of Ipswich!

  8. Was just discussing this very subject today with a stranger at a rest stop !!! My daughter was texting at the speed of light when an elderly couple next go us commented on this… We lamented the fact that no one talks anymore … Everyone texts ! Actually we have been on a trip to visit relatives in LongIsland and we had made a conscious effort to turn our phones off. But truth is talking on the phone is going the way of cursive writing ! Loved reading this …. Maybe we could text about it … Lol !!!

    1. Thanks Karen – you do bring up another deeper level to this- talking itself is a lost art. This blogging stuff is replacing it for me—–and I am not alone.

  9. We got rid of our landline 5 years ago, and I could not wait for that advancement. My husband worked for a big media conglom in Canada where all our phone, internet and sat tv was integrated. They were jerks who overcharged, so when my husband left that job, that’s when we talked about life without a landline. It has turned out to be a good thing for us.

    As it goes, no one of importance but my mom and my mother in law ever called in, except for telemarketers, which drove me crazy.
    Now, I have a cell phone where I can be reached on anywhere anytime if need be. And I have voice mail and call block which is included in my cell plan for a cheap price. It’s great! In Canada, we are also able to keep our cell numbers if we change carriers, which is great.

    I personally don’t think that cutting the landline in any way cuts you off any more or less from communicating. If you are someone who doesn’t like talking on the phone in general, or your friends don’t generally call, there would be no difference between a landline and a cell phone. I like the cell for convenience sake, but I don’t talk much on it. My preferred line is face to face or FB.

    1. Thanks Sarca – and I should have figured a Canadian would chime in to teach me the reasonable solution in all this 🙂 …. Yes – it can work if you set up the ground rules and I commend you. But I stand by my point that something special is gone for good – AND – my goodness did I ramble on with my friends—-I was a talker….that might explain why they all left me. And why I blog now.

  10. Great post – I’m still a landline user too – but even among family the phone seldom rings anymore. Most calls are robocalls of some sort. My kids kind of required that I adapt to texting.
    First letter writing became a lost art, now conversation. I hope we never lose writing

    1. We still got that – although texting is starting to erode it. 🙂 I also text – not because I want to – but because a reasonable person has to in order to communicate — a sad state of affairs.

    1. Thank Geoff – that is extra funny because the first year of that show – I, Cave Guy and blogger attended my local community college. My sister asked me if I felt like one of the characters – Yes, indeed, I thought of myself as the swanky disbarred lawyer – BUT she had me pegged as Chevy Chase! Ahhhhh – it was like that show—the pain is still too fresh to blog about it.

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