Talent not required

 

zopenmic2Driving to my open mic – doubt, fear, dread and all their little cousins are creeping in——– The stark realization that I may indeed suck – I may crash and burn – I may be a pathetic individual.

And then resolve.

That may all be true – in fact….it  may be worse – but, I will not wake the morrow having not done this!!!

On we go.

Like Hannibal with his war elephants heading over the alps — so what, it’s snowing — so what, its not possible —- Rome is waiting-= Let’s go!

I did not expect a few friends to be there,….. waiting on me – very uplifting – I only gave a two hour notice.  It was heartening.

I was #7 on the list – there would be an hour and half wait — I slowly drank a beer.

We talked – we joked – it was a good night .

Then I was on stage playing a couple songs – “Man of constant Sorrow” went well— except I could not hear my guitar – it was strangely other worldly – like I was watching myself  — I was out of myself.

I changed up my plans and played the Clash’s  “Should I Stay” for the second song.

It started to flow – I felt in a grove – like surfing or skating – it was wildly terrifying and relaxing.

The response was positive – I did it – I’m not ready for American Idol –  That’s not the point.

I’m not ready to lay down and give up – I’m still striving and pushing — still barking at the moon — still flailing against the dying of the light.

 

That is the point.

 

Cheers from the cave!

 

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Lost Love and Open Mics

loveflows124Living is the doing of life – it would be magical if every picture – every song – every word was pure inspiration — It’s not like that.

This is as good as it gets – I’m sending anyway – its important I post what I got on Sunday morning. Not thrilled with it – digital painting is difficult because it’s so unlimited – its tough to keep on track. I wanted a nighttime scene with cliffs, flowers and flowing angry beauty (don’t we all?)  – I ended up with this – if I hadn’t promised myself I would just post where I am and get on with it — I would not – I would have scrapped it and maybe even stopped painting for a while —- no more of that – we got what we got, and we move forward.

Wednesday night – I will do an open mic — I’m going to play “Man of Constant Sorrow” and “Little Black Submarines” – just my cheap-ass Epiphone – and my weathered and fumbling voice.

Why am I putting myself through this? Because this is what living is all about. The splash of the cold ocean water against your face as you walk out onto the beach of discovery.

 

I may make a complete fool of myself – I’m going anyway.

 

Cheers from the cave!

Moonstruck

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Moonstruck

Excuse my randomness – I’m rebuilding.

A few days ago, in my weekly spin class (don’t judge), I had this vision of two lovers in a boat, a silent and beautiful embrace as they drifted toward the waterfall.

I thought I would sketch, then go for a digital painting – I promised myself I would post on Sunday with my progress. I need structure and accountability in my life — lucky for me, it’s been arriving in droves lately.

I’m working in photoshop and illustrator, bringing this thing to life —  I can only show the sketch this morning — so we post away.

This image is open for interpretation – Ironically, I don’t see it as death – I see it as being strapped in for the ride – once you go over the waterfall of love – you have no control of how it goes – where you hit – hard crashing destruction – or a cool refreshing wash of a tropical lagoon.

You give yourself away – and you find so much more — is it worth it? If it isn’t – then what is?

We also had an awesome full moon last night – And it is Easter – Happy Easter all! Spring, hope and all the rest.

Notes: I’m writing this as someone who is reflecting on the past – like if you go to Paris then you come home and write about Paris — I could not and would not do this post if I was walking down the Champs-Elysées —— maybe eating a fresh croissant and wishing I paid more attention in French 3 back in 11th grade.

We’ll always have Paris.

Acclamations de la grotte!

 

Ghost Ship

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The ghost ship blog

 

I’m afraid that’s me

 

Visitors only see the past

Adrift aimlessly though the cyber ocean

Sails worn and shredded –  at the mercy of the currents

Beached on a nameless archipelago

Sandy desolation with just a few crabs and a couple fallen coconut trees

I guess it’s where we are.

 

I’m not going to make any grand statements about keeping this going – or stopping.

 

This started as a graded project for a college graphics class – it continued through compulsion and some exhilaration …  became a place of solace as my life crumbled — and now?

 

Rebuilding and stronger we take a walk around the deck

 

Do we scuttle? …….or do we scrape off the barnacles and see what she’s got?

 

What’s the point of all this rambling anyway?

 

We bloggers write because we need to write – then when we don’t need to write – we stop.

Maybe no more complicated than that.

If you’ve stayed with me this long…. who knows?

Muted cheers from the cave on location.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winter Solstice, Lake George, NY

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Winter Solstice

I took a trip up to my favorite lake to take some shots  – simple symmetry, summer and winter in the same place. The longest day vs the shortest day. It felt correct.

The weather was not perfect – 15 degrees F (that’s really friggin’ cold for Celsius people!) And very, very windy. The cold was ok – it was the wind that messed up any lake reflections — add to that the absence of clouds to not help with color.

It got me to thinking about the rift between what we want a day to be and what a day really is. It got me thinking about what a life should be and what it is being. A mode of acceptance. Acceptance means happiness – that sounds way too simple. As an idea it is simple, as a practice, it is not.

I’m basically alone (save for a couple random joggers and dog walkers, hearty bunch in this weather), I’m at this beautiful place on the planet – no one is telling me what to do or where to go – no one is checking my ID at the gate – I’m free. Life is good. To get up and have capturing a scene at sunrise as your mission for the day – that’s a good day.

Beyond that I’m blessed – As I drove home – that fresh new bright solstice sun was bright in my face – lighting up my way ahead – exposing and igniting my future. I’m here and now – I’m feeling the soul of humanity – this was a big day for ancient peoples. This was their concert and their technicolor laser light show. The rhythm and pace of space and time. This was hope.

A big deal.

It’s still big deal.

At least for me, two joggers, three dog walkers, and a very tough pair of mallard ducks – (ducks are tough up here swimming in this weather).

Cheers from the cave!

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P.S: Summer Solstice from the same spot

Day of the Dead

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It’s been way too long since I fired up the imagination for a quick graphic sketch for pure fun. Of all the celebrations – this one seems to fire the flames correctly. Nothing against any other culture, but Mexico has such a morbidly colorful way to express this season. So I made a sugar skull.

Enjoy life and living.

Cheers from the cave!

The Hawk and the Squawk

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It was a beautifully complex and garbled call – primal and delirious – understated and purposeful – coyote mixed with cardinal —-  a sound my ears had not seen — I was intrigued.

I looked up and saw this red-tailed hawk, high on a pole – talking at me —- I was running in his territory – He was letting me know – not making too much noise —- waiting for breakfast – breakfast that could easily be scared away.

I’ve been running and training —- [Sorry to all non-runners — spent most of my life not running, I know how it sounds!]

It was magical – a quiet road next to a farm at mile 4 of a 7 mile run and this hawk is talking to me. That is all I need on a Sunday morning. I am not nothing – I am not failed – I am not broken — I am here and now and part of this land — it is part of me —– all together—- all connected.

Yeah, running can be like that.

 

Now on to mile 6:

I’m running on the shoulder against traffic and this old dude (my age) is riding a bicycle and coming at me — I move over into the field to give him room. He is yelling obscenities at me; “What the f*#k are you doing running on the road, get a bike, you f*&king idiot!” I barely look at him and focus on one breath at a time, one step at a time. It occurred to me that this was his garbled squawk – I am invading his territory – he is trying to give me some life advice. I can’t argue that riding a bike is more efficient. And I felt bad for him, because the bike is his mode of travel— he is not on a road of self-discovery – The dude must get from point A to point B. It was bizarre to have two confrontations with the local beasts on the same run.

 

The sublime and the ridiculous.

 

Both justified in their own strange way.

 

This is where I live, this is who I am.

 

Fast forward to Saturday October 14 in Hartford Connecticut – My first half marathon. The first 6 miles were fine, the last 10 feet when I crossed the finish line was also good. The remainder was varying degrees of painful.

The first one is like that.

I will keep running – it’s a new normal. It makes me feel better – it makes me be better.

 

 

Notes:

Forgive me bloggers, it’s been many months since my last confession. Starting a life back up that got derailed is a difficult process. We are fully engaged in that process at the moment.