Rebirth turning to the toddler stage – we are through crawling in the new life – now taking some steps and walking.

I guess it feels good – sort of like Madonna reinventing herself – minus all the hype and gay dancers – minus the .0035% body fat and divorce and weird kid names.

New jobs – new life – new friends – new ambitions [more accurately]  ambitions for the first time in my life. I like my work and want to get better at it.

I like playing music and painting and want to get better.

I don’t see the long term future – working hard to get to my own studio space – have that space sustain itself —- keep growing and evolving.

Good life is possible – dreams do allow you to grasp them – you just have to reach.

Driving to my open mic – doubt, fear, dread and all their little cousins are creeping in——– The stark realization that I may indeed suck – I may crash and burn – I may be a pathetic individual.

And then resolve.

That may all be true – in fact….it  may be worse – but, I will not wake the morrow having not done this!!!

On we go.

Like Hannibal with his war elephants heading over the alps — so what, it’s snowing — so what, its not possible —- Rome is waiting-= Let’s go!

I did not expect a few friends to be there,….. waiting on me – very uplifting – I only gave a two hour notice.  It was heartening.

I was #7 on the list – there would be an hour and half wait — I slowly drank a beer.

We talked – we joked – it was a good night .

Then I was on stage playing a couple songs – “Man of constant Sorrow” went well— except I could not hear my guitar – it was strangely other worldly – like I was watching myself  — I was out of myself.

I changed up my plans and played the Clash’s  “Should I Stay” for the second song.

It started to flow – I felt in a grove – like surfing or skating – it was wildly terrifying and relaxing.

The response was positive – I did it – I’m not ready for American Idol –  That’s not the point.

I’m not ready to lay down and give up – I’m still striving and pushing — still barking at the moon — still flailing against the dying of the light.

That is the point.

Cheers from the cave!

Living is the “doing of life” – it would be magical if every picture – every song – every word was pure inspiration — It’s not like that.

This is as good as it gets – I’m sending anyway – its important I post what I got on Sunday morning. Not thrilled with it – digital painting is difficult because it’s so unlimited, tough to keep on track. I wanted a nighttime scene with cliffs, flowers and flowing angry beauty (don’t we all?)  – I ended up with this – if I hadn’t promised myself I would just post where I am and get on with it — I would not – I would have trashed it and maybe even stopped painting for a while —- no more of that – we got what we got, and we move forward.

Wednesday night – I will do an open mic — I’m going to play “Man of Constant Sorrow” and “Little Black Submarines” – just my cheap-ass Epiphone – and my weathered and fumbling voice.

Why am I putting myself through this? Because this is what living is all about. The splash of the cold ocean water against your face as you walk out onto the beach of discovery.

I may make a complete fool of myself – I’m going anyway.

Cheers from the cave!

Moonstruck

Excuse my randomness – I’m rebuilding.

A few days ago, in my weekly spin class (don’t judge), I had this vision of two lovers in a boat, a silent and beautiful embrace as they drifted toward the waterfall.

I thought I would sketch, then go for a digital painting – I promised myself I would post on Sunday with my progress. I need structure and accountability in my life — lucky for me, it’s been arriving in droves lately.

I’m working in photoshop and illustrator, bringing this thing to life —  I can only show the sketch this morning — so we post away.

This image is open for interpretation – Ironically, I don’t see it as death – I see it as being strapped in for the ride – once you go over the waterfall of love – you have no control of how it goes – where you hit – hard crashing destruction – or a cool refreshing wash of a tropical lagoon.

You give yourself away – and you find so much more — is it worth it? If it isn’t – then what is?

We also had an awesome full moon last night – And it is Easter – Happy Easter all! Spring, hope and all the rest.

Notes: I’m writing this as someone who is reflecting on the past – like if you go to Paris then you come home and write about Paris — I could not and would not do this post if I was walking down the Champs-Elysées —— maybe eating a fresh croissant and wishing I paid more attention in French 3 back in 11^th grade.

We’ll always have Paris.

Acclamations de la grotte!

The ghost ship blog

I’m afraid that’s me

Visitors only see the past

Adrift aimlessly though the cyber ocean

Sails worn and shredded –  at the mercy of the currents

Beached on a nameless archipelago

Sandy desolation with just a few crabs and a couple fallen coconut trees

I guess it’s where we are.

I’m not going to make any grand statements about keeping this going – or stopping.

This started as a graded project for a college graphics class – it continued through compulsion and some exhilaration …  became a place of solace as my life crumbled — and now?

Rebuilding and stronger we take a walk around the deck

Do we scuttle? …….or do we scrape off the barnacles and see what she’s got?

What’s the point of all this rambling anyway?

We bloggers write because we need to write – then when we don’t need to write – we stop.

Maybe no more complicated than that.

If you’ve stayed with me this long…. who knows?

Muted cheers from the cave on location.