Red Rocks

redrocks-iphone

Red Rocks

It was still dark when I got there.

Kids lined up outside the entrance, in sleeping bags under the Colorado sky.

The middle of the 2nd night for 21 Pilots.

“All my friends are heathens take it slow, wait for them to ask you who you know – please don’t make any sudden moves, you don’t know the half of the abused,”

The “us and them” theme of rock misc.

Now I’m them – I’m too old – I’m too slow – I’m the establishment – I’m done…….

I’m at Red Rocks

Sunrise – the sleeping bag kids sit up on the hill and face the light as the earth turns.

A ride we are on – this rock hurling through space and spinning our time away.

I’m ok – somehow, I’m ok

Now with the day started ~ the yoga and gym people arrive – they are using this arena to workout, to physically connect – the temple is their body – they are worshiping all around me.

I’m taking some shots with my camera – I’m happy to be here – I feel like I’m in the middle of a wildlife special – watching the locals interact with their environment – just a visitor – just a stranger.

Red Rocks is a wonder of rock music.

I’m full of wonder.

 

 

 

Notes: In Denver on our way back from a trip to the black hills of South Dakota (more on this later) – had to get up at 3 am to fit this site in and work it around our flight home – plan to get back for a show sometime. I have more pictures, this is my favorite taken with an iPhone.

Where do I stRT?

bighorn22Since you left me or, more accurately: I left you  – Wow – and whoa and wheew – yeaoh = I am here and I am alright.

I feel like I need to just let everyone know that my basicness is okness  – (yeah, I know I am making up words that don’t exist).

How are you? And, I am ok ~ doesn’t come close to the gamut of reflection and metamorphosis of the last few months.

Some new habits:

I meditate everyday – I go to the gym three times a week – I run; 5 Ks now, looking at a half marathon sometime next year. I am stronger mentally and physically. I am a success story in many ways.

With that is also the intense pain that continues to flow at times – maybe not with the complete flooding of the beginning – but all the power is intact.

The difference between sitting next to a rushing river and being in a rushing river.

The river is the same —– you have a different perspective.

You know it is only a couple steps away – — you know you will always hear it and feel it —– but somehow – you are ok.

Am I coming back to WP? I think so – but I can’t say for sure right now.

Still putting myself back together – Come a long way and far to go.

I leave you with a photo of a bighorn sheep I took in July from the Badlands — that is one of the wows! – the Badlands and me — we understand each other.

Hope to write again soon.

Wayne (caveguy)

Journey

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Do not judge my journey

If you want to try:

Please put my shoes on and walk—-not forward~ No — Too easy –

Walk back – walk through all the years – walk through all the pain – walk until there are no shoes on a tender little baby foot – then you can judge me — If you still want to.

I refuse to do that anymore, to me or to anyone else – we can only go forward — and I only know what you dare to tell me of your own journey — and that is still just a drop in the ocean of your existence…

I won’t judge you – that is a promise, that is my philosophy – that is my mantra

– if we meet on the same trail; I will try and help you – or at the very least, not make your way more difficult.

We each make our way– we are each walking the best we know how.

Until we learn to walk better –

We can always learn to walk better.

Notes: This is on one of the trails in Acadia National Park – so many wonderful steps in the high ground by the ocean. The landscape is majestic >>>>>>> it restored my soul.

 

Mini Me

Don’t worry about me

The people I have met – the music I have played – the places I have been

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind

Below is a picture of my new car on a trip I took a few days ago up to Bar Harbor in Maine. Just me and my new mini motoring around – and it was something – it was what I needed.

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I wake each day with the desire to do the best with the time in front of me.

And I sleep each night downloading the wonder and allowing it to cycle through my dreams.

I really am blessed.

Is there still pain?

Yes – there will always be –

But that is not the default mode

The default mode is to live, to laugh and to love.

 

I have more traveling to do in the coming weeks and will return to more blogging at some point

Wish you all well my friends>

 

 

 

Checking In

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Dude – you look friendly but forgive us for being cautious – we are wild animals and we have been shot at before — but…. if you are cool, we are cool.

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Sunrise on the Hudson
Just a quick post to let you guys know I am ok – I got up early (but not early enough to catch the sunrise where I wanted to catch it!) — so,… as I was driving north I pulled over to get the sun where I was — An ok spot on the river — Driving towards it; 4 deer were guarding the entrance and checking me out – kind of a low impact Cerberus waiting for me as I approached the dock.

Not a successful photo-shoot — but it is my first this year — this is a good step.

My life has experienced more sadness recently than ever but I feel it is finally letting go —

– because I have finally let go.

It is ok for me to feel joy, in fact, it is ok if I run to that bliss and meet it head on.

Until this week I would not let myself do that – I felt that: I did not deserve it and was not entitled to it. Those of you who have experienced great loss probably understand this.

So yesterday – I let myself have sushi for the first time in forever and it was sublime.

Today I took some photos.

Small steps indeed — but good steps.

Notes: This is more like a recovering from grief post that I would not put on this site — but I had not posted in so long, wanted everyone to know where I was.

Wish you all well.

I continue to drive myself to a new shore  – I no longer dread it is happening – I welcome it.

(Although like the deer, I am cautious)

Action

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I have been working on my photographs – editing and starting the printing process – I am working to get enough together for some kind of show – some kind of public thing — put myself out there.

I don’t know exactly how to approach it – but it needs to happen – I have nothing to lose.

Really – What’s the worse that can come from this?

I can’t think of any negatives – even “failure” is not a negative.

Failure is still a dive into something.

Still living.

Not doing or trying that is the worse that could happen.

I don’t mind falling flat on my face.

I really don’t – I have nothing to lose.

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Color

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Just a small blaze of red in the crab apple tree – The first color of spring around the cave. The landscape is so bland here in late winter – I had planned on getting some cardinals against the white snow ~ but the winter was disappointing.

Spring – Promise – Hope – just a little glint that life will begin again.

The universe is winking at me.

I am glad to be alive and well.