Mini Me

Don’t worry about me

The people I have met – the music I have played – the places I have been

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind

Below is a picture of my new car on a trip I took a few days ago up to Bar Harbor in Maine. Just me and my new mini motoring around – and it was something – it was what I needed.

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I wake each day with the desire to do the best with the time in front of me.

And I sleep each night downloading the wonder and allowing it to cycle through my dreams.

I really am blessed.

Is there still pain?

Yes – there will always be –

But that is not the default mode

The default mode is to live, to laugh and to love.

 

I have more traveling to do in the coming weeks and will return to more blogging at some point

Wish you all well my friends>

 

 

 

Checking In

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Dude – you look friendly but forgive us for being cautious – we are wild animals and we have been shot at before — but…. if you are cool, we are cool.

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Sunrise on the Hudson
Just a quick post to let you guys know I am ok – I got up early (but not early enough to catch the sunrise where I wanted to catch it!) — so,… as I was driving north I pulled over to get the sun where I was — An ok spot on the river — Driving towards it; 4 deer were guarding the entrance and checking me out – kind of a low impact Cerberus waiting for me as I approached the dock.

Not a successful photo-shoot — but it is my first this year — this is a good step.

My life has experienced more sadness recently than ever but I feel it is finally letting go —

– because I have finally let go.

It is ok for me to feel joy, in fact, it is ok if I run to that bliss and meet it head on.

Until this week I would not let myself do that – I felt that: I did not deserve it and was not entitled to it. Those of you who have experienced great loss probably understand this.

So yesterday – I let myself have sushi for the first time in forever and it was sublime.

Today I took some photos.

Small steps indeed — but good steps.

Notes: This is more like a recovering from grief post that I would not put on this site — but I had not posted in so long, wanted everyone to know where I was.

Wish you all well.

I continue to drive myself to a new shore  – I no longer dread it is happening – I welcome it.

(Although like the deer, I am cautious)

Action

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I have been working on my photographs – editing and starting the printing process – I am working to get enough together for some kind of show – some kind of public thing — put myself out there.

I don’t know exactly how to approach it – but it needs to happen – I have nothing to lose.

Really – What’s the worse that can come from this?

I can’t think of any negatives – even “failure” is not a negative.

Failure is still a dive into something.

Still living.

Not doing or trying that is the worse that could happen.

I don’t mind falling flat on my face.

I really don’t – I have nothing to lose.

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Color

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Just a small blaze of red in the crab apple tree – The first color of spring around the cave. The landscape is so bland here in late winter – I had planned on getting some cardinals against the white snow ~ but the winter was disappointing.

Spring – Promise – Hope – just a little glint that life will begin again.

The universe is winking at me.

I am glad to be alive and well.

Clouds

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Clouds this morning

I walked outside to a renaissance painting of a sky – I got this thing for looking up – clouds, stars, birds, rain, snow — all the stuff from the heavens— I don’t know if it is a thing or a sensitivity.

You could be accurate when you say – “I have my head in the clouds”.

This morning was wild – the clouds were painted – I almost expected Zeus to reach down and tap me on the shoulder… saying something godly like “Dude, really? What you looking for? Take your dog for a walk or something – It’s going to be a nice day!”

Something like that – but it was just me looking up and feeling a little juice in the atmosphere.

A little wake-up call to action.

I need that spark  because my next post will be the grand “Mission Statement” about the future of the cave.

Changes coming to the way we operate around here.

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You are what you post ~ writing Part 3

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I did this in 2014 after receiving the “Dragon Loyalty  Award” – I did an illustration instead of the award- This took my music blog in a new direction. I am facing my dragon but not ready to kill him – I mean , what’s the point?  Isn’t the facing the main part? And I don’t have the stomach for it. Nasty business -Dragon Slaying

Great work

I ask you my blogging friends to take a look at your best ever post.

Don’t tell me they are all great or all bad—– just not possible.

Some of them hit a higher mark – some of them strike a chord.

Sometimes we surprise ourselves and exceed our zone.

Then we have a new level to break.

It’s called getting better – and it happens all the time out here.

It’s the product that determines our worth – simple as that – there is no resting.

You are only as good as your last blog.

You can be a writer – you can be a poet or an artist — you can call yourself a photographer – you just need one post to prove it. Most of my blogging friends have already done it many times.

 

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I have better images on my blog but this is my favorite. It is sunrise on Lake George “inverted” – A simple thing in Photoshop – The blacks become white and the oranges become blue. Fire turns into ice. There is an “abstract art” emotional feel that I can’t explain, but I like.  — cool and….. more cool.

 

Blogging is Community

Is it because we will never meet? Is that what drives the confidence of thought and discussion?

And would we share if we all got together at a cook out, or would we sip our beers and think it such a long time for the cheese to melt on our burgers — so we could just eat and go?

Would we still connect in real life?

I’d like to think so.

And what is real life anyway? So much communication is done through devices. Is the old way of meeting for coffee considered the old way and quickly becoming obsolete?

Connections I have made here, while sometimes ethereal, have been and continue to be a source of real comfort and strength for me as a human being. I know I move through this world a little easier because I blog.

We all need to be somebody.

Before I stepped on this electronic stage – I wasn’t as much me – Now I am.

This cat is “out of the bag” – and not going back.

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This was my me trying to make sense of this crazy blogging world – It did not get much attention when posted but seems to fit here. I love this world — this is my home.

 

 

 

Lone Tree

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This is a forgotten image I stumbled on while organizing all the graphic stuff on my computer. And I mean ALL…all pictures, all Photoshop, all Illustrator, even my pathetic little 2 month bender with Flash (what tragic and flawed “train wreck” animation I spewed to life!)

Anyway – this tree does pack some emotional punch but it is not an accurate representation of my well-being (At least not all the time).

Grief is a miserable selfish bastard that is often cyclical and pathetic. It wants to throw you down and reopen wounds to rub in doubt every chance it can.

But even knowing the useless and often self-wallowing walrus that you are becoming to everyone (including yourself).

You still have to keep dancing with this beast until??………..[I don’t know the answer]

I am out on the floor – but I am ok.

Muted Cheers from the cave.