The Hawk and the Squawk

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It was a beautifully complex and garbled call – primal and delirious – understated and purposeful – coyote mixed with cardinal —-  a sound my ears had not seen — I was intrigued.

I looked up and saw this red-tailed hawk, high on a pole – talking at me —- I was running in his territory – He was letting me know – not making too much noise —- waiting for breakfast – breakfast that could easily be scared away.

I’ve been running and training —- [Sorry to all non-runners — spent most of my life not running, I know how it sounds!]

It was magical – a quiet road next to a farm at mile 4 of a 7 mile run and this hawk is talking to me. That is all I need on a Sunday morning. I am not nothing – I am not failed – I am not broken — I am here and now and part of this land — it is part of me —– all together—- all connected.

Yeah, running can be like that.

 

Now on to mile 6:

I’m running on the shoulder against traffic and this old dude (my age) is riding a bicycle and coming at me — I move over into the field to give him room. He is yelling obscenities at me; “What the f*#k are you doing running on the road, get a bike, you f*&king idiot!” I barely look at him and focus on one breath at a time, one step at a time. It occurred to me that this was his garbled squawk – I am invading his territory – he is trying to give me some life advice. I can’t argue that riding a bike is more efficient. And I felt bad for him, because the bike is his mode of travel— he is not on a road of self-discovery – The dude must get from point A to point B. It was bizarre to have two confrontations with the local beasts on the same run.

 

The sublime and the ridiculous.

 

Both justified in their own strange way.

 

This is where I live, this is who I am.

 

Fast forward to Saturday October 14 in Hartford Connecticut – My first half marathon. The first 6 miles were fine, the last 10 feet when I crossed the finish line was also good. The remainder was varying degrees of painful.

The first one is like that.

I will keep running – it’s a new normal. It makes me feel better – it makes me be better.

 

 

Notes:

Forgive me bloggers, it’s been many months since my last confession. Starting a life back up that got derailed is a difficult process. We are fully engaged in that process at the moment.

 

 

 

It keeps me running

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A couple weeks ago I did my first 5K! I ran with the kids and it took me almost 34 minutes – but I did it! I’m posting this picture so you can see how I am and what I look like in June of 2016 ~ I have come a long way in the last 7 months – I thank all of you – I don’t want to name names and embarrass anybody but there were some who went above and beyond to reach out to me – this community is so warm and so welcoming. Really, I have no words to describe it.

Beyond that: I meditate everyday – I play guitar and sing (have to play by a fire this week!) – I have ink! – I am heading out to the badlands in a week or so for another trip – I am in therapy (my therapist is a godsend) —– And all this stuff is new — I am becoming something else – I cannot return to where I was.

I am blessed and I am grateful ~ And I run now not to escape myself

I run to become myself