Music and Ink…..and blogging

Music and Ink…..and blogging

I woke this morning with full awareness that my mind and spirit were connected, attached to my body that was hurling through space on a giant rock. That rock was spinning in a beautiful dance of gravity playing a part in an endless universe … which may be just a drop in a vast ocean of countless other universes.

Yeah baby, I’m back!

It makes all the mundane connections with people I know seem nothing short of miraculous.– I mean,…  to make “me”— all these weird connections of people, places and things over the eons of time since before we even got to living in the caves – I just think about that — everything had to line up or this “me” that is writing would not be here—- and that goes the same for each person that reads this — and also the same for the lady at the deli that I will let cut in ahead of me because she has two screaming kids and needs to get her maple ham and American cheese.

Which makes the connections that are truly “special” nothing short of divine because ….. I mean, …. What are the chances that you and me have a conversation?

It just causes the brain to ignite and fire countless neurons to not figure out.

You may think that this is a strange —- but I think like this all the time —– and have not thought like this in many weeks.

Because I was not connected.

My mind was in severe pain – my spirit was lost and whirring out of control – and my body seemed to disconnected.

They said I was depressed – I don’t know if that word fits – but I will go with it because it and me were so similar that you could not tell us apart even at a short distance.

So we go to ink –

A thought in my mind – that becomes a sketch (in fact, many sketches before it was right) – that goes into illustrator to become a vector – that sings to me in a perfect riot of frenzied negative space.

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My mind thinks it – my spirit is at peace with it – the tattoo artist inks it to my body – we are all together again. One happy family that is the trio of the Wayne. I am here – I am validated.

My first tattoo – and already thinking how to add to it.

And as I ran through the chords of “Key to the Highway” last night on my acoustic guitar — I understand what Big Bill Broonzy was saying – I understand the feeling – I understand the blues.

I get it – there are things and feelings that we all share – that are the human condition – It’s part of jamming a spirit in a body and having a mind trying to figure out what to do with it- how to make a way – how to rise above and move forward.

Isn’t that part of why we blog? This need to connect and validate our existence.

I play a lot of guitar and I sing all the time – this is new – but was always there.

I just could not put in the work to access it – I don’t feel like that anymore.

I feel that I have nothing to fear – I feel that I better get whatever is in there out.

Be dammed if it is good or bad or indifferent.

Just get it out!

So I feel better – And the only reason I am writing instead of playing right now is because it is too early and I will wake the kids.

I leave you with a new song that speaks to me – attitude and blues – I need it.

 

 

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Checking In

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Dude – you look friendly but forgive us for being cautious – we are wild animals and we have been shot at before — but…. if you are cool, we are cool.

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Sunrise on the Hudson
Just a quick post to let you guys know I am ok – I got up early (but not early enough to catch the sunrise where I wanted to catch it!) — so,… as I was driving north I pulled over to get the sun where I was — An ok spot on the river — Driving towards it; 4 deer were guarding the entrance and checking me out – kind of a low impact Cerberus waiting for me as I approached the dock.

Not a successful photo-shoot — but it is my first this year — this is a good step.

My life has experienced more sadness recently than ever but I feel it is finally letting go —

– because I have finally let go.

It is ok for me to feel joy, in fact, it is ok if I run to that bliss and meet it head on.

Until this week I would not let myself do that – I felt that: I did not deserve it and was not entitled to it. Those of you who have experienced great loss probably understand this.

So yesterday – I let myself have sushi for the first time in forever and it was sublime.

Today I took some photos.

Small steps indeed — but good steps.

Notes: This is more like a recovering from grief post that I would not put on this site — but I had not posted in so long, wanted everyone to know where I was.

Wish you all well.

I continue to drive myself to a new shore  – I no longer dread it is happening – I welcome it.

(Although like the deer, I am cautious)

The – I’m ok but figuring it out post.

The – I’m ok but figuring it out post.

The posts on the Cave are slowing down a bit because I am rebuilding my life….

I am here people and I am writing and sketching, I am a little behind – I may be down to once a week with posts while I catch up with my life.

I have so much to do and I am happy to say I am doing it.

If you see a lag in response or I don’t get to your blogs and visit as much — I will — just be patient – we all run into this blog/life balance issue.

Some good news:

The Night Swimming site where I deal almost 100% with the intimate and heart wrenching subject of cancer and grief is going well – I am writing it out and it is helping me. I am not going to mix the two blogs, most of you don’t want to see that side me, and if it was totally public – I would not feel free enough to share – — so email me for a link if you are brave enough — I thank the few of you that have – it has been good on many levels.

Working out at the Y for the last three months is bringing my physical health back in line –  I am getting my strength and wellness back!

I started some therapy for my mental health – I am happy to say I carry a lighter mind. To talk fully with no restrictions to someone who is legally bound not to share — I can’t express how 3 years of cancer and losing a soulmate almost requires that you do this. If this is you — do not walk to get help — run.

Spiritually, I am in a state of reflection and expansion – I am not ruling anything out as I keep my heart and my mind open. I am Christian but I will be honest and tell you that I leaned heavily on Buddhism during my wife’s illness. Am I getting an orange robe and shaving my head? No, not yet – but universal truth is universal truth and close mindedness is the route of much evil in this world. When you are pushing around a dying wife in a wheelchair, you take and do whatever you can to help, you do not check the label on gifts of love before you open them. Love is love. Truth is truth. Light is light.

My house is falling apart and needs much work – that must start soon.

My past job is done, right now I have no work to go to. I have a new job lined up for Jan of 2017 – I may not go back to a “real” job until then. Is this a problem?  No, not at all.

And lastly – I bought myself a new acoustic guitar and started playing a little — I’m not terrible – I am not going to be a rock star but, so what! – it gives me pleasure – it lifts my soul.

This is where I am – And now – some music.

Action

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I have been working on my photographs – editing and starting the printing process – I am working to get enough together for some kind of show – some kind of public thing — put myself out there.

I don’t know exactly how to approach it – but it needs to happen – I have nothing to lose.

Really – What’s the worse that can come from this?

I can’t think of any negatives – even “failure” is not a negative.

Failure is still a dive into something.

Still living.

Not doing or trying that is the worse that could happen.

I don’t mind falling flat on my face.

I really don’t – I have nothing to lose.

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Painting Fiction Challenge

Chambered Nautilus
Chambered Nautilus  by Andrew Wyeth

 

Perfect Spirals

Stephanie is safe –  enclosed –  bathed by the morning sun.

A new day.

“How I got here doesn’t matter”

She tells herself and keeps telling herself to make it sink in.

“What they did can’t take anymore more of me”

“I can’t let those bastards do their work”

She knows it’s over …. she remains …. they are gone – well at least for 7- 10 years. She was hoping for more – she was hoping for a lightning bolt to rip through the courtroom and fry them right there —- take all the pain away —- singe them to pieces – until only a remnant of those evil smirking lips remain — Yeah, …  leave those smoldering relics on the floor so they can be stomped – “I am Alice taking back my Wonderland and you — you evil Cheshire cat lips — you are crushed back into the darkness from whence you came”.

“A new life, my life.”

She looks at her nautilus shell from happier days. A shell she found in the fresh wash of the waning tide on a faraway island.  The spiral shape that once surrounded a living thing – Maybe everything is a spiral? – maybe that is how it works. One thing builds on another and another in a perfect harmony that only takes full shape in the end. You just keep living and you just keep trying. None of us knows what will be for us – we are all too caught up to see.

That sun lights her face. There is hope. Out there are countless failures and victories waiting for her. Beckoning her to move forward.

Our star in our own little corner of this great spiraling galaxy. This giant Milky Way turning and turning while it plays its part in the greater scheme of time and space.

The only thing it doesn’t do is go backwards.

“Maybe how I got here does matter?”

Countless shells on countless beaches spread through eons and eons – and countless scumbags doing damage to countless victims over and over and over.

Stephanie thinks about that and it does sink in — we all become shells — we all become used packages of our souls. Every single one of us.

No exceptions.

So you make amends the best you can – you do what you have to put it behind you – if the only way forward is to forgive, you may even have to do that —— forgive your god for allowing such vermin to be produced and forgive the perps themselves for they have no conception of the damage they do.

One day they will understand and one day it will all make sense. A perfect spiral of symmetry where you thought only chaos dwelt.

Shells and galaxies alike – turning and struggling – gravity and fire burning and pulling – ocean currents – swirling tides flowing back and forth.

It somehow works out.

 

 

Notes: This is my first attempt at writing fiction – It went much deeper and darker than I would have imagined — but then again — I don’t know how it goes, that is the beauty of swimming in different water and trying new things. 

Any comments — good, bad, or indifferent really appreciated on this post.

Thank you my friends

 

 

 

Color

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Just a small blaze of red in the crab apple tree – The first color of spring around the cave. The landscape is so bland here in late winter – I had planned on getting some cardinals against the white snow ~ but the winter was disappointing.

Spring – Promise – Hope – just a little glint that life will begin again.

The universe is winking at me.

I am glad to be alive and well.

Reboot ~

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The Cave is Undergoing a Revamp for the Spring

I want to:

Stay SFW – edgy yes – funny yes – fired for visiting – no

 A Reblog once a month – I don’t think we, as bloggers, reward good content enough.

Post my own photos and art as much as possible – a free-range chicken, all organic with no copyright infractions is the goal.

More projects and challenges with other bloggers. This is the center of the blogging watermelon – it really is! Making connections and friends. Sweetness!

My own challenge of hitting every type of blog genre in 2016 with an attempted post.

I mean all the favs:

Fashion- Music- Art – Photo – Food – Healing – Religious – Political – Conspiracy – Poetry – Sports – Books – Fiction– Redneckism (is that one?)  – Travel – Fitness –  Love – Sex – Collectible Coins – Movies –  Cartoon, Antiquing, Geek, Ancient Greek … etc., etc., and etc. (yes – I will take suggestions)

I want to do as many as I can – with no limits on if something is too edgy or too sketchy — How far can I push myself? Don’t know? Are you scared? — yeah …me too…ain’t it grand!

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If you want to know why I want to do a blog genre mash-up bust-up house party with strobe lights and underground techno music

I think that we should all write about *everything – in the writing and discussion is where answers and clarity come from.

The web is better when we make it better – so yeah –I am going to write about it all!

I guess the short version of the above is:  I’m doing everything and some of it twice – so keep up please – and enjoy the ride!

* Not to worry – I will give fair warning if it’s going to be something that would shock you!

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tiffanybeingfree.com/…6/02/15/golden-jars

This is a drawing I did for a poem by Tiffany @ tiffanybeingfree

It was great to try a sketch from her idea. The poem deals with some intense subject matter and the process of healing. It is an honor to help in this small way.

Bloggers working together –  Always a rewarding experience. For me, it knocks me out of my comfort zone and makes me swim a little harder. I need that because it is too easy to get complacent and start doing boring stuff — Helping others makes my own work better! So if you have an idea for a little co-bloggery with the cave — Please send it my way and maybe we can do something!

 

Next, we head to a blogging challenge with my friend Mek from Australia @ https://10000hoursleft.wordpress.com/ who likes to write stories based on artwork.

And I got to pick one — So I took a trip to Maine for a little Wyeth theme.

Chambered Nautilus by  Andrew Wyeth

The challenge is to write a short fiction piece based on this painting – I will leave the length of it up to you (I’m thinking 500 words or so?)  – this is a no stress “walk about” kind of challenge. I am going to try fiction for the first time (yea- me!), but if you want to write a poem or something else, that is cool. I only ask that you do it sometime in March and let me know so I can link them all together. This could be fun.

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And finally:

This is my home and you are all welcome in for a virtual cup of tea, coffee or beer anytime. We are always open!. No need to remove your  shoes or make a fuss – you may want to pet the dog so she knows you are cool. Other than that — relax.

I want everybody to just enjoy the cave.

Mi casa su casa

Cheers and here we go!