Moonstruck

moonstruck

Moonstruck

Excuse my randomness – I’m rebuilding.

A few days ago, in my weekly spin class (don’t judge), I had this vision of two lovers in a boat, a silent and beautiful embrace as they drifted toward the waterfall.

I thought I would sketch, then go for a digital painting – I promised myself I would post on Sunday with my progress. I need structure and accountability in my life — lucky for me, it’s been arriving in droves lately.

I’m working in photoshop and illustrator, bringing this thing to life —  I can only show the sketch this morning — so we post away.

This image is open for interpretation – Ironically, I don’t see it as death – I see it as being strapped in for the ride – once you go over the waterfall of love – you have no control of how it goes – where you hit – hard crashing destruction – or a cool refreshing wash of a tropical lagoon.

You give yourself away – and you find so much more — is it worth it? If it isn’t – then what is?

We also had an awesome full moon last night – And it is Easter – Happy Easter all! Spring, hope and all the rest.

Notes: I’m writing this as someone who is reflecting on the past – like if you go to Paris then you come home and write about Paris — I could not and would not do this post if I was walking down the Champs-Elysées —— maybe eating a fresh croissant and wishing I paid more attention in French 3 back in 11th grade.

We’ll always have Paris.

Acclamations de la grotte!

 

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Ghost Ship

ghostship

The ghost ship blog

 

I’m afraid that’s me

 

Visitors only see the past

Adrift aimlessly though the cyber ocean

Sails worn and shredded –  at the mercy of the currents

Beached on a nameless archipelago

Sandy desolation with just a few crabs and a couple fallen coconut trees

I guess it’s where we are.

 

I’m not going to make any grand statements about keeping this going – or stopping.

 

This started as a graded project for a college graphics class – it continued through compulsion and some exhilaration …  became a place of solace as my life crumbled — and now?

 

Rebuilding and stronger we take a walk around the deck

 

Do we scuttle? …….or do we scrape off the barnacles and see what she’s got?

 

What’s the point of all this rambling anyway?

 

We bloggers write because we need to write – then when we don’t need to write – we stop.

Maybe no more complicated than that.

If you’ve stayed with me this long…. who knows?

Muted cheers from the cave on location.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winter Solstice, Lake George, NY

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Winter Solstice

I took a trip up to my favorite lake to take some shots  – simple symmetry, summer and winter in the same place. The longest day vs the shortest day. It felt correct.

The weather was not perfect – 15 degrees F (that’s really friggin’ cold for Celsius people!) And very, very windy. The cold was ok – it was the wind that messed up any lake reflections — add to that the absence of clouds to not help with color.

It got me to thinking about the rift between what we want a day to be and what a day really is. It got me thinking about what a life should be and what it is being. A mode of acceptance. Acceptance means happiness – that sounds way too simple. As an idea it is simple, as a practice, it is not.

I’m basically alone (save for a couple random joggers and dog walkers, hearty bunch in this weather), I’m at this beautiful place on the planet – no one is telling me what to do or where to go – no one is checking my ID at the gate – I’m free. Life is good. To get up and have capturing a scene at sunrise as your mission for the day – that’s a good day.

Beyond that I’m blessed – As I drove home – that fresh new bright solstice sun was bright in my face – lighting up my way ahead – exposing and igniting my future. I’m here and now – I’m feeling the soul of humanity – this was a big day for ancient peoples. This was their concert and their technicolor laser light show. The rhythm and pace of space and time. This was hope.

A big deal.

It’s still big deal.

At least for me, two joggers, three dog walkers, and a very tough pair of mallard ducks – (ducks are tough up here swimming in this weather).

Cheers from the cave!

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P.S: Summer Solstice from the same spot

Day of the Dead

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It’s been way too long since I fired up the imagination for a quick graphic sketch for pure fun. Of all the celebrations – this one seems to fire the flames correctly. Nothing against any other culture, but Mexico has such a morbidly colorful way to express this season. So I made a sugar skull.

Enjoy life and living.

Cheers from the cave!

The Hawk and the Squawk

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It was a beautifully complex and garbled call – primal and delirious – understated and purposeful – coyote mixed with cardinal —-  a sound my ears had not seen — I was intrigued.

I looked up and saw this red-tailed hawk, high on a pole – talking at me —- I was running in his territory – He was letting me know – not making too much noise —- waiting for breakfast – breakfast that could easily be scared away.

I’ve been running and training —- [Sorry to all non-runners — spent most of my life not running, I know how it sounds!]

It was magical – a quiet road next to a farm at mile 4 of a 7 mile run and this hawk is talking to me. That is all I need on a Sunday morning. I am not nothing – I am not failed – I am not broken — I am here and now and part of this land — it is part of me —– all together—- all connected.

Yeah, running can be like that.

 

Now on to mile 6:

I’m running on the shoulder against traffic and this old dude (my age) is riding a bicycle and coming at me — I move over into the field to give him room. He is yelling obscenities at me; “What the f*#k are you doing running on the road, get a bike, you f*&king idiot!” I barely look at him and focus on one breath at a time, one step at a time. It occurred to me that this was his garbled squawk – I am invading his territory – he is trying to give me some life advice. I can’t argue that riding a bike is more efficient. And I felt bad for him, because the bike is his mode of travel— he is not on a road of self-discovery – The dude must get from point A to point B. It was bizarre to have two confrontations with the local beasts on the same run.

 

The sublime and the ridiculous.

 

Both justified in their own strange way.

 

This is where I live, this is who I am.

 

Fast forward to Saturday October 14 in Hartford Connecticut – My first half marathon. The first 6 miles were fine, the last 10 feet when I crossed the finish line was also good. The remainder was varying degrees of painful.

The first one is like that.

I will keep running – it’s a new normal. It makes me feel better – it makes me be better.

 

 

Notes:

Forgive me bloggers, it’s been many months since my last confession. Starting a life back up that got derailed is a difficult process. We are fully engaged in that process at the moment.

 

 

 

Solstice

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Summer Solstice

As I lay down the night before – I say to myself  “I’m not getting up at 4am to chase the sunrise, I kinda want to sleep”

I woke at 4am – and I knew that I would get after it – it’s the solstice – I love the solstice

Mankind has loved this day since they figured out what it was – the steady reliable cycle of the sun bringing stability to an unstable world— countless generations paying homage to the spinning of the earth – countless people making what they will of it.

Gods are formed around the mystery of the passage of time. The journey of our birth to our death that spins and moves in a universe of wonder.

I love the solstice. It connects me to bigger things.

I visited my grandmother in England many, many moons ago. I wanted to go to Stonehenge and we went on the solstice – I did not know what that meant – I did not know it was a “thing”.

Since then its stayed with – watching me – checking in on me as I stumble through life.

I remember my grandmother as I drive to chase the light – it’s a big thing to understand that the world will spin – things will flow – and we will go – we can join in the cosmic dance or we can wait it out —- either way the solstice will cycle on and on.

Notes: Lake George NY is close enough to be local for me – There was a woman walking her dog on the beach and nothing else going on in town at sunrise. I didn’t have to edit this photo except for a splash of highlight on the buoy – a quick shake of light – nothing else.  If you wonder how I am — I say — mostly I am ok – I’m not the same- I try to make the most of the days instead of the least of the days —- that is a better way to live.

 

Open Mic

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Signups were at 7, I strolled in at 7 after and was 7 on the list. My name in pencil as a testament to this little car-wash of fear for my soul.

I sat down in a chair next to a person I knew from a past life – he was already drunk  – I used to be his boss – he reminded me that I was his best boss and I was a good guy ~ life takes strange twists and turns. (drunk may be his normal state- he did not look well)

A snarky old guy with a leather hat approached and grabbed his coffee from the table next to me – Oh no, I sat in his seat! I apologized; he snarked back “I’m standing right here!”

This is a great start – my alcoholic ex-coworker drunk off his ass and I’ve pissed off one of the regulars here in this little theater –  Somehow all this is good with me – I mean; the water you swim is the water you swim – but you swim anyway.

We are told that instead of the three songs, we will only do two, due to the large amount of sign-ups— Maybe 11 total? And then go around a second time for one more.

I’ve moved to a new spot in this little theater – away from all the strife at the entrance – I meet another new guy  – he is a drummer, seems to be a good guy.

Let the show begin –

And it did.

By the time it got to me – I was ok with going up on stage for the first time – I had trouble getting my guitar to work  – but the host was very gracious in helping —–

I sang and played “Mississippi Kid” by Lynyrd Skynyrd – My version bears little resemblance to the original – I go straight 12 bar blues on my acoustic guitar – I love the song and the snarling attitude of it – My version is closer to that of Jerry Lee Lewis (but I humbly submit that my performance is just a wisp of smoke compared to the fire of the original “killer”).

I told the audience that it was my first time and I was only good for one tune –

And I did it!

By the time I got to the last verse, I was dancing a bit and enjoying myself.

It won’t be my last

I will be going back.

For a few moments that night – I was the “Mississippi kid”!

 

Notes: I bought a new acoustic guitar last March for my birthday and I play it every day –  (maybe I’ve missed a total of a week if you add all the days I couldn’t play in the last 10 months)

On February 1st (exactly 14 months to the day I lost my wife, for those of you that know me) I stepped on a stage and did an open mic.

It went well – I am not ruining this post with actual video; but that is probably coming!

I did mess with guitar in my earlier life, never anything past the tinkering stage and never complete songs.

And I never tried to sing before.

But, so what?

Life is to live.

Go live.

Question: What would be your song if and when you do (did?) this?