Where do I stRT?

bighorn22Since you left me or, more accurately: I left you  – Wow – and whoa and wheew – yeaoh = I am here and I am alright.

I feel like I need to just let everyone know that my basicness is okness  – (yeah, I know I am making up words that don’t exist).

How are you? And, I am ok ~ doesn’t come close to the gamut of reflection and metamorphosis of the last few months.

Some new habits:

I meditate everyday – I go to the gym three times a week – I run; 5 Ks now, looking at a half marathon sometime next year. I am stronger mentally and physically. I am a success story in many ways.

With that is also the intense pain that continues to flow at times – maybe not with the complete flooding of the beginning – but all the power is intact.

The difference between sitting next to a rushing river and being in a rushing river.

The river is the same —– you have a different perspective.

You know it is only a couple steps away – — you know you will always hear it and feel it —– but somehow – you are ok.

Am I coming back to WP? I think so – but I can’t say for sure right now.

Still putting myself back together – Come a long way and far to go.

I leave you with a photo of a bighorn sheep I took in July from the Badlands — that is one of the wows! – the Badlands and me — we understand each other.

Hope to write again soon.

Wayne (caveguy)

Walking on water is faith

icewalkingWhile I was walking on Mirror Lake –  I was thinking   “wow’ – this is cool – this is like …  ice on a wound.

Maybe “wow” is not the right word – How about “whoa!”

The snow was fluttering down like at the end of a Hollywood blockbuster.

Big Flakes – big fluffy formations that will melt in your mouth if you just open up to receive this frozen manna from the heavens.

And I did

I don’t care who is watching and I don’t care what anybody thinks – I am walking on a frozen lake in a snow squall and I am….

I am …

Walking in faith

Walking on water is always that – and walking on a frozen lake is walking on water.

 

I know from the science that water freezes at 32 degrees F or Zero degrees C. And while that freezing takes place the temperature remains the same.

If you put a thermometer in a glass on freezing water it will be exactly zero.

But something amazing is happening —TRANSFORMATION

I am working through this grieving process which frequently leads me to still places in my mind — and still water has this soothing effect.

Not stagnant water (there is a difference, believe me,  spent enough time swimming in that!) — This is calm, pristine and renewing water.

Nothing is more still than frozen – nothing more pristine than a mountain lake and nothing more like walking to a renewed shore than walking on water.

I am the same – but transformation is happening.

And yeah that was yesterday in Lake Placid (of all places)

[I am not making this up -I am just trying to live my life]

 

 

 

 

My Body is a Cage

Embed from Getty Images

 

“My body is a cage that keeps me

from dancing with the one I love”

 

Doctors search for the devil in the details and are happy when they find him

They are quick to judge and quick to blame

They have to be

Our lives depend on it (apparently, as I would find out)

Nurses save angels a ton of work

They do, as a matter of routine, things that defy the reasonable imagination of what is possible

I have respect and admiration that is beyond words

 

“I’m living in an age

That screams my name at night

But when I get to the doorway

There’s no one in sight”

 

Those haunting lines from an Arcade Fire song fire my imagination as I reflect on a week in the hospital.

Thankfully, I am on the mend; the possibility of some surgery looming but that is still up in the air as I write this.

We occupy only temporary frail vessels as we scratch our way across the surface of this planet.

Last week taught me that in a big way.

I am so glad to be back at the cave.

 

I am enjoying each breath with renewed hope and appreciation.

All that really matters is the way we treat each other.

Everything else is the filler and stuffing required to get us through the day.

I want to thank everyone that sent well-wishes while I was in the hospital, nice to know that I am not alone.

And as always, cheers from the cave!