The – I’m ok but figuring it out post.

The – I’m ok but figuring it out post.

The posts on the Cave are slowing down a bit because I am rebuilding my life….

I am here people and I am writing and sketching, I am a little behind – I may be down to once a week with posts while I catch up with my life.

I have so much to do and I am happy to say I am doing it.

If you see a lag in response or I don’t get to your blogs and visit as much — I will — just be patient – we all run into this blog/life balance issue.

Some good news:

The Night Swimming site where I deal almost 100% with the intimate and heart wrenching subject of cancer and grief is going well – I am writing it out and it is helping me. I am not going to mix the two blogs, most of you don’t want to see that side me, and if it was totally public – I would not feel free enough to share – — so email me for a link if you are brave enough — I thank the few of you that have – it has been good on many levels.

Working out at the Y for the last three months is bringing my physical health back in line –  I am getting my strength and wellness back!

I started some therapy for my mental health – I am happy to say I carry a lighter mind. To talk fully with no restrictions to someone who is legally bound not to share — I can’t express how 3 years of cancer and losing a soulmate almost requires that you do this. If this is you — do not walk to get help — run.

Spiritually, I am in a state of reflection and expansion – I am not ruling anything out as I keep my heart and my mind open. I am Christian but I will be honest and tell you that I leaned heavily on Buddhism during my wife’s illness. Am I getting an orange robe and shaving my head? No, not yet – but universal truth is universal truth and close mindedness is the route of much evil in this world. When you are pushing around a dying wife in a wheelchair, you take and do whatever you can to help, you do not check the label on gifts of love before you open them. Love is love. Truth is truth. Light is light.

My house is falling apart and needs much work – that must start soon.

My past job is done, right now I have no work to go to. I have a new job lined up for Jan of 2017 – I may not go back to a “real” job until then. Is this a problem?  No, not at all.

And lastly – I bought myself a new acoustic guitar and started playing a little — I’m not terrible – I am not going to be a rock star but, so what! – it gives me pleasure – it lifts my soul.

This is where I am – And now – some music.

Painting Fiction Challenge

Chambered Nautilus
Chambered Nautilus  by Andrew Wyeth

 

Perfect Spirals

Stephanie is safe –  enclosed –  bathed by the morning sun.

A new day.

“How I got here doesn’t matter”

She tells herself and keeps telling herself to make it sink in.

“What they did can’t take anymore more of me”

“I can’t let those bastards do their work”

She knows it’s over …. she remains …. they are gone – well at least for 7- 10 years. She was hoping for more – she was hoping for a lightning bolt to rip through the courtroom and fry them right there —- take all the pain away —- singe them to pieces – until only a remnant of those evil smirking lips remain — Yeah, …  leave those smoldering relics on the floor so they can be stomped – “I am Alice taking back my Wonderland and you — you evil Cheshire cat lips — you are crushed back into the darkness from whence you came”.

“A new life, my life.”

She looks at her nautilus shell from happier days. A shell she found in the fresh wash of the waning tide on a faraway island.  The spiral shape that once surrounded a living thing – Maybe everything is a spiral? – maybe that is how it works. One thing builds on another and another in a perfect harmony that only takes full shape in the end. You just keep living and you just keep trying. None of us knows what will be for us – we are all too caught up to see.

That sun lights her face. There is hope. Out there are countless failures and victories waiting for her. Beckoning her to move forward.

Our star in our own little corner of this great spiraling galaxy. This giant Milky Way turning and turning while it plays its part in the greater scheme of time and space.

The only thing it doesn’t do is go backwards.

“Maybe how I got here does matter?”

Countless shells on countless beaches spread through eons and eons – and countless scumbags doing damage to countless victims over and over and over.

Stephanie thinks about that and it does sink in — we all become shells — we all become used packages of our souls. Every single one of us.

No exceptions.

So you make amends the best you can – you do what you have to put it behind you – if the only way forward is to forgive, you may even have to do that —— forgive your god for allowing such vermin to be produced and forgive the perps themselves for they have no conception of the damage they do.

One day they will understand and one day it will all make sense. A perfect spiral of symmetry where you thought only chaos dwelt.

Shells and galaxies alike – turning and struggling – gravity and fire burning and pulling – ocean currents – swirling tides flowing back and forth.

It somehow works out.

 

 

Notes: This is my first attempt at writing fiction – It went much deeper and darker than I would have imagined — but then again — I don’t know how it goes, that is the beauty of swimming in different water and trying new things. 

Any comments — good, bad, or indifferent really appreciated on this post.

Thank you my friends

 

 

 

Reboot ~

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The Cave is Undergoing a Revamp for the Spring

I want to:

Stay SFW – edgy yes – funny yes – fired for visiting – no

 A Reblog once a month – I don’t think we, as bloggers, reward good content enough.

Post my own photos and art as much as possible – a free-range chicken, all organic with no copyright infractions is the goal.

More projects and challenges with other bloggers. This is the center of the blogging watermelon – it really is! Making connections and friends. Sweetness!

My own challenge of hitting every type of blog genre in 2016 with an attempted post.

I mean all the favs:

Fashion- Music- Art – Photo – Food – Healing – Religious – Political – Conspiracy – Poetry – Sports – Books – Fiction– Redneckism (is that one?)  – Travel – Fitness –  Love – Sex – Collectible Coins – Movies –  Cartoon, Antiquing, Geek, Ancient Greek … etc., etc., and etc. (yes – I will take suggestions)

I want to do as many as I can – with no limits on if something is too edgy or too sketchy — How far can I push myself? Don’t know? Are you scared? — yeah …me too…ain’t it grand!

techno-dude

If you want to know why I want to do a blog genre mash-up bust-up house party with strobe lights and underground techno music

I think that we should all write about *everything – in the writing and discussion is where answers and clarity come from.

The web is better when we make it better – so yeah –I am going to write about it all!

I guess the short version of the above is:  I’m doing everything and some of it twice – so keep up please – and enjoy the ride!

* Not to worry – I will give fair warning if it’s going to be something that would shock you!

jarbeach1

tiffanybeingfree.com/…6/02/15/golden-jars

This is a drawing I did for a poem by Tiffany @ tiffanybeingfree

It was great to try a sketch from her idea. The poem deals with some intense subject matter and the process of healing. It is an honor to help in this small way.

Bloggers working together –  Always a rewarding experience. For me, it knocks me out of my comfort zone and makes me swim a little harder. I need that because it is too easy to get complacent and start doing boring stuff — Helping others makes my own work better! So if you have an idea for a little co-bloggery with the cave — Please send it my way and maybe we can do something!

 

Next, we head to a blogging challenge with my friend Mek from Australia @ https://10000hoursleft.wordpress.com/ who likes to write stories based on artwork.

And I got to pick one — So I took a trip to Maine for a little Wyeth theme.

Chambered Nautilus by  Andrew Wyeth

The challenge is to write a short fiction piece based on this painting – I will leave the length of it up to you (I’m thinking 500 words or so?)  – this is a no stress “walk about” kind of challenge. I am going to try fiction for the first time (yea- me!), but if you want to write a poem or something else, that is cool. I only ask that you do it sometime in March and let me know so I can link them all together. This could be fun.

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And finally:

This is my home and you are all welcome in for a virtual cup of tea, coffee or beer anytime. We are always open!. No need to remove your  shoes or make a fuss – you may want to pet the dog so she knows you are cool. Other than that — relax.

I want everybody to just enjoy the cave.

Mi casa su casa

Cheers and here we go!

 

 

You are what you post ~ writing Part 3

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I did this in 2014 after receiving the “Dragon Loyalty  Award” – I did an illustration instead of the award- This took my music blog in a new direction. I am facing my dragon but not ready to kill him – I mean , what’s the point?  Isn’t the facing the main part? And I don’t have the stomach for it. Nasty business -Dragon Slaying

Great work

I ask you my blogging friends to take a look at your best ever post.

Don’t tell me they are all great or all bad—– just not possible.

Some of them hit a higher mark – some of them strike a chord.

Sometimes we surprise ourselves and exceed our zone.

Then we have a new level to break.

It’s called getting better – and it happens all the time out here.

It’s the product that determines our worth – simple as that – there is no resting.

You are only as good as your last blog.

You can be a writer – you can be a poet or an artist — you can call yourself a photographer – you just need one post to prove it. Most of my blogging friends have already done it many times.

 

lake-george02-invert

I have better images on my blog but this is my favorite. It is sunrise on Lake George “inverted” – A simple thing in Photoshop – The blacks become white and the oranges become blue. Fire turns into ice. There is an “abstract art” emotional feel that I can’t explain, but I like.  — cool and….. more cool.

 

Blogging is Community

Is it because we will never meet? Is that what drives the confidence of thought and discussion?

And would we share if we all got together at a cook out, or would we sip our beers and think it such a long time for the cheese to melt on our burgers — so we could just eat and go?

Would we still connect in real life?

I’d like to think so.

And what is real life anyway? So much communication is done through devices. Is the old way of meeting for coffee considered the old way and quickly becoming obsolete?

Connections I have made here, while sometimes ethereal, have been and continue to be a source of real comfort and strength for me as a human being. I know I move through this world a little easier because I blog.

We all need to be somebody.

Before I stepped on this electronic stage – I wasn’t as much me – Now I am.

This cat is “out of the bag” – and not going back.

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This was my me trying to make sense of this crazy blogging world – It did not get much attention when posted but seems to fit here. I love this world — this is my home.

 

 

 

We are writers! ~non writing part 2

enimien22

So many intelligent and thoughtful responses to my question on writing – I felt a follow up was in order.

I have come to some conclusions about this crazy act of blogging.

It takes a little guts to just “stand up and spit”  (sorry, Eminem mode)

 We go from the big three things stuck in our head –

  1. I have something to say.
  2. I need to get something off my chest.
  3. I want to connect with like-minded others.

TO:

  1. I said it
  2. It’s gone
  3. Hello

Those three things happen the instant we hit the publish button.

Some of my more cynical readers might say – I’ll give you the first two caveman – but the third? No interaction by hitting publish – no likes, no comments, no nothing.

Wrong – wrong and wrong

The moment your thoughts are out – you have made a connection – You have taken stuff from your brain and published it.

It is out there — you do not own it anymore — anyone that reads it could have a reaction you will never know about. You have no idea

Yes, every blogger ~ even the “much maligned” food blogger* can connect.

Imagine a family that had the “best damn apple blueberry turnover” (recipe from a food blog) – and eating that turnover moved Grandma so much that she finally told everyone where the 36 gold bars were buried on the old family farm — which led to a very generous offer on that property for the current owners…. which made their day because they wanted to move to Nebraska anyway. (why anybody would move to Nebraska is a question that can’t be answered in the limited space of this post!)

Isn’t that a beautiful story – an entire family united together in common greed – it warms the heart.

But we don’t know the situation of each family member.

And we don’t know the good that could come from getting out of debt and thriving instead of surviving.

We don’t know what will happen with a post.

That is both scary and exhilarating.

So keep spitting it out on-line

This requires at least a Part 3

Cheers from the Cave!

 

 

*Yes people – food bloggers are bloggers too – it does not matter what the subject of a blog is – all bloggers are relevant if the content is interesting and the writer is passionate – a food blogger can hit this mark.  In fact -If I, the Cave Guy, started a food web site — do you think it would be boring?

Notes: Good rappers take brutal honesty about their life – package it to their fans with rhyme and beat –  And connection happens – They don’t know what their music will do —-BUT – connection is made.

Good bloggers take brutal honesty about their life – package it with words and images  to their readers – And connection happens —– etc….etc…etc…

We are more alike than not alike.

I thank everyone for the great comments and will do my best to visit your home on the web and reciprocate — because that is what this is all about!

The Cave began as a “Project”

 

sid&nancy

A non-writer speaks of writing and influence

If Sid Vicious considered himself a bass player then I will consider myself a writer.

He snarled and spit, he raged, he fell down on his face — but he somehow got the job done (sort of).

[ I know — perhaps the most tragic figure in rock music who put the most brutal spin on Romeo and Juliet ]

BUT – THAT IS FOR ANOTHER BLOG —– THIS IS ABOUT WRITING.

 

I would not be here without my adventures at community college a few short years ago. This blog actually started as a project in a web design class! –  And Still going — Yes, I was forced to create a web presence for a grade! I admit it — I come from academia!!! (jk)

A shout out to my English Professor at the same unnamed institution — who somehow took my mangle of a brain and got it to play nice enough to express myself. More important than that – it gave me the confidence to write.

You think confidence is a small thing?—- It is the key that opens a FULFILLING LIFE!!!! –

So here I am – rock you like a hurricane

Back to this blog:

We all “grunt and sweat under a weary life”

Friggin’  – “Wild Bill Shakeman”  himself or if you need to cite it accurately:

William Shakespeare

“For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely

The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,

The insolence of office, and the spurns

That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,

When he himself might his quietus make”

Writing should move your mind – it should give you a kick —it should make you think!

When I read Shakespeare, I understand what words can do – I don’t understand how he hits the mark – but I marvel at the deadly precision.

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“They were watching, out there past men’s knowing, where stars are drowning and whales ferry their vast souls through the black and seamless sea.”

Or:

“War was always here. Before man was, war waited for him. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner.”

Cormac McCarthy can flat out write! If you think you are a writer – go read Blood Meridian and then you will quickly realize how far you have to go.

I have far to go———–

So those three would be my biggest influences if I could be so arrogant to claim any.

Sid Vicious – because he just went for it with no restrictions – Shakespeare because he is Shakespeare, and Cormac McCarthy because his words stir my soul.

One more thing:

Keeping this blog going has made me better – every post and every week – I get stronger.

I am a better writer because I write.

That is part of why those of us who are afflicted with this disease don’t stop – there is a certain rush with jamming words together and making it work.

I am sick with this.

I welcome thoughts:

How many of my fellow bloggers consider themselves writers and what do you guys think of writing?

And maybe more important: Why did you step out and start a blog?

Disclaimer:

[ I talk about the sweet spot, I talk about the triumph of great posts — this post may well fall flat on its face like a drunken Sid – I gave it all I got – can do no more – we hit the publish button and wait ]

 

 

“Naked” site active.

divein

New “naked” incognito site is active.

I know there are two moons in this illustration from my notebook…. so my question to you … Mr. or Ms. typical blogging friend.

Do you want to see my naked thoughts?

I will be brutally honest and tell you: this is not an enticing web address.

This is bare-brutal-raw stuff that oozes from my mind as I deal with the grieving and transition process from losing my soul mate.

I need to get it out — and it is not pretty.  It may not even be that good.

I was hoping for 70% self-wallowing drivel mixed with 30% humor and philosophy.

I thought that was a low enough barrier to hit.

I am running about 95/5 now – so this thing is not road ready.

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The idea is an outlet site for the intense personal stuff – so that the cave can get back to being the cave.

Full of fun, photos, art, and music along with the witty banter you all have come to know and love.

I like that guy too! In fact, I am that guy! I need to let that guy live and breathe and dance again.

Right now I am both guys at once.

And I don’t think it is fair to you, my web friends, to slog over the same ground – just plowing and re-plowing – with no planting and no reaping anywhere on the horizon.  Grief is like that.

The new site is tucked away in a dark corner on WordPress – I am not going to add a link here.

If you are smart and know me — you can probably find it — but then again, maybe not. (there are a crap load of web sites out here folks!)

Some of the posts will be password protected because of sensitivity (at least right now). This is ground that I am not willing to let a casual passerby waltz in the door and see.

An example of what I mean  — The Groundhog Day post is Cave material — Walking on Ice is best on the new site and would not need a password.

My giant big picture hope is that the new site can be polished into something that will help others going through similar loss. Because I think it is needed— All —  I mean all grief sites are heavy religious behemoths that always make you feel worse. That is a friggin’ crime and injustice to humanity!!!

So if you are brave enough to splash in this water with me —Please email me from the gmail address on this page and I will send you the link.

Thank you my friends (and I did use a cartoon double for my butt shot, I mean,… hey!, I got a reputation to preserve….right?)

Cheers from the Cave!